Staying Warm on Late Autumn Rides (On A Budget of Nil)

As those of you two readers may have gleaned from scanning through these lonely posts, I am by profession, a Bicycle Mechanic. I've worked for 8 years in bike shop service departments. One of the two of you might know that in November in New England, this is code for "unemployed". So the money's not coming in. The benefit checks are stuck in the bureocratic net which is the State Services offices.
So how am I able to keep warm on these long rides on cold days without the cash to purchase one of those new solar powered toe warmers with solar jersey? I have a few tricks I'm about to lay on 'ya.
First trick is nothing new. Watch any pre-2000 Tour de France, when the riders have reached the apex of the Alpe de Huez or Mt. Ventroux, just as they are about to descend. You might notice people in the crowd handing something off to riders. What is it? A halibut? Burrito? Crepes? No fine readers, it's a newspaper. Just the 'help wanted' section is enough insulation when stuffed down the front of your jersey to take the chill off. It makes a huge difference. I prefer to fetch a Dunkin Donuts bag out of their dumpster. That way if I'm Bon King from lack of calories, I can eat the bag.
Keeping toes warm can be a tough matter. I've tried wrapping my toes in pages from Career News magazine, which sort of helps, for a while I think. Another good tip is to pull over and grab a handful of those dried oak leaves. Crunch them up as fine as you can and put them in your cycling shoes. The leaf dust has biomass that will retain your body heat and keep your feet warm! If your toes still get too cold, if you have matches, you can ignite the combustible leaf dust to generate more temporary heat in your shoes.
Another foot warmer fashion tip: Search the side of the road for those free weekly advertisers that people pretend they never see piling up beneath their mailbox. They're usually stuffed in a plastic bag with a rubber band around it. The advertiser goes down your jersey, and the bag over your shoe, fastened with the rubber band! Keep that body heat in!
An inexpensive material to keep body heat in all over, is a roll of saran wrap. For just a couple of dollars, one roll should be enough to wrap your torso, arms, legs, feet, neck, and head at least twice! I suppose that depends on your girth. This technique works well in the rain as well as dry weather. It helps to have a riding buddy to help wrap you up. If you're careful, your wrapping buddy might be able to unravel your wrap back onto the roll to save for the next ride!
Keeping your head warm is crucial for overall warmth retention. The stylish cycling cap worn under a helmet helps a lot. Don't have the dough for the cycling cap? Try putting that "help wanted" section under your helmet! You can trim the excess off with a pair of scissors. Careful not to give yourself a hair trim while your at it. Saran wrap over the helmet vents works well also. Another idea made popular by Sheldon Brown, who created a fashion statement by covering his helmet vents with clear packing tape! You can hardly see it's there! I don't think the eagle did anything to retain body heat.
Ginger is a natural body furnace stoker. When the temps dip down, I carry with me a few candied ginger chews. These can really take the edge off. Unless you are allergic, in which case, they could really turn your ride into a bummer time.
Now try some of these ideas out yourself. Leave comments as far as your experience or other ideas. But do NOT use cold temps as an excuse for a vegetative state.