Dark New Moon Coast Ride: 47 Miles

I left too late in the day to return home while the sun was still out. This was a cold, dark ride along the coast roads. Sketchy even with lights...
Later that night Eli and I woke to the alarm at 2:33 am. We drove down to Seapoint Beach where we watched the light show of the Leonids meteor shower. Cool.

Staying Warm on Late Autumn Rides (On A Budget of Nil)

As those of you two readers may have gleaned from scanning through these lonely posts, I am by profession, a Bicycle Mechanic. I've worked for 8 years in bike shop service departments. One of the two of you might know that in November in New England, this is code for "unemployed". So the money's not coming in. The benefit checks are stuck in the bureocratic net which is the State Services offices.
So how am I able to keep warm on these long rides on cold days without the cash to purchase one of those new solar powered toe warmers with solar jersey? I have a few tricks I'm about to lay on 'ya.
First trick is nothing new. Watch any pre-2000 Tour de France, when the riders have reached the apex of the Alpe de Huez or Mt. Ventroux, just as they are about to descend. You might notice people in the crowd handing something off to riders. What is it? A halibut? Burrito? Crepes? No fine readers, it's a newspaper. Just the 'help wanted' section is enough insulation when stuffed down the front of your jersey to take the chill off. It makes a huge difference. I prefer to fetch a Dunkin Donuts bag out of their dumpster. That way if I'm Bon King from lack of calories, I can eat the bag.
Keeping toes warm can be a tough matter. I've tried wrapping my toes in pages from Career News magazine, which sort of helps, for a while I think. Another good tip is to pull over and grab a handful of those dried oak leaves. Crunch them up as fine as you can and put them in your cycling shoes. The leaf dust has biomass that will retain your body heat and keep your feet warm! If your toes still get too cold, if you have matches, you can ignite the combustible leaf dust to generate more temporary heat in your shoes.
Another foot warmer fashion tip: Search the side of the road for those free weekly advertisers that people pretend they never see piling up beneath their mailbox. They're usually stuffed in a plastic bag with a rubber band around it. The advertiser goes down your jersey, and the bag over your shoe, fastened with the rubber band! Keep that body heat in!
An inexpensive material to keep body heat in all over, is a roll of saran wrap. For just a couple of dollars, one roll should be enough to wrap your torso, arms, legs, feet, neck, and head at least twice! I suppose that depends on your girth. This technique works well in the rain as well as dry weather. It helps to have a riding buddy to help wrap you up. If you're careful, your wrapping buddy might be able to unravel your wrap back onto the roll to save for the next ride!
Keeping your head warm is crucial for overall warmth retention. The stylish cycling cap worn under a helmet helps a lot. Don't have the dough for the cycling cap? Try putting that "help wanted" section under your helmet! You can trim the excess off with a pair of scissors. Careful not to give yourself a hair trim while your at it. Saran wrap over the helmet vents works well also. Another idea made popular by Sheldon Brown, who created a fashion statement by covering his helmet vents with clear packing tape! You can hardly see it's there! I don't think the eagle did anything to retain body heat.
Ginger is a natural body furnace stoker. When the temps dip down, I carry with me a few candied ginger chews. These can really take the edge off. Unless you are allergic, in which case, they could really turn your ride into a bummer time.
Now try some of these ideas out yourself. Leave comments as far as your experience or other ideas. But do NOT use cold temps as an excuse for a vegetative state.

Epic Redefined, 83 Miles into the Unknown

It was 60 miles into this ride that I thought to myself, I really need to plan my attacks better with regard to the high-mile rides. My brother Andrew, also a bicycle mechanic, was performing in Cambridge later that night. So embarking on this ride that took me off the edge of the map I had with me, continuing to turn left, ever outward, further, ever seeking more, may have not been the best choice. But it was a blast. This route was pretty random. Three stretches of dirt starting with Belle Marsh Rd, McGovern, and Josiah Norton. When back on Tatnic Rd again in York, I thought about how most of those dirt roads were smoother than the frost heaves I was enduring heading east. Damn frost heaves.
37 graveyards total. Number 19 was just a lone grave in the forest, soon to be surrounded by rural suburban sprawl. I had to stop and consult the map at one point when the road forked at the Massabesic Experimental Forest near Alfred. "Massawhussa where the hell am I?" I thought. When I left the driveway, I had no inclination I would end up in National Forest land.
I got home around dusk. I stuffed my face with pasta, took a shower, and as soon as we were able, Eli and I were headed to Cambridge to see Andrew. Needless to say, we missed his performance. We had dinner, a few beers, and said our goodbyes as he and the band headed out for an all night drive.
Check the route here at my new Map My Ride account..

Berwicks, Dirt, and Dead People, 74 Miles Indian Summer

I tried leaving by ten. I did! So I finally rolled out at 11. Which often means a mad dash home while the sun is saying its bedside prayers. What a freaking beautiful day it was Monday too. Sunny and warm, I was overdressed in two layers. The arm warmers and gloves came off and stashed away. The oak leaves seem to be just about the last ones in the trees and even they're losing their grip.
First I ran into Peter walking his adorable dog Bean. We talked about work, lack of it, lack of motivation, and making the most of our free time. Then I pedaled on in the rare instance of clockwise order. Eliot, South Berwick, and then out. Up almost to Berwick, then right at Blackberry Road. And that's where I ran into Brian. Geez, everybody's out on a beautiful day like that. I talked to Brian for a bit next to graveyard no. 16. He knows those roads out there better than I and suggested a general direction. So what do I do as soon as we part? Hang the next left going waay out further, totally away from his recommended route.
Ultimately I saw 35 graveyards on this ride. This is no exaggeration, I counted every last one and only once. I am certain I missed at least two on top of this confirmed number.
I also went by a rock quarry, and a plastic sign in front of somebody's house that read "Protect America's Freedom, Leave The United Nations!" Wow. To think we have to share this patch of dirt.
Speaking of dirt, the first bit I got to roll over was just 6 miles into this thing, on Bartlett Rd. Mile 55 or so found me once again on Cheney Woods road climbing and then descending the rocky dirt. And finally, mile 60 or so, I was on Josiah Norton, pedaling over the dirt again. Addicted to fixed gears and dirt roads. Sick in so many ways. Once again the sun was hanging low by the time I rolled up the driveway. At least I could still see the ground. I need to start leaving earlier.

Trial for 88 Year Old Nazi Bicycle Mechanic Killer

Found this article about Heinrich Boere, up for trial in Europe for murdering three Dutch citizens while he was a Nazi hit man in the 40's. I'm submitting a proposal for an alternative sentence of submitting him to 48 hours of inhumane torture in a bicycle shop. First we'll go for his fingers in the disc rotor. Than maybe we'll run a thumb between the chain and chainring on a fixie. Metal splinters under the finger nails, and a brake cable up his urethra. If the European courts take me up on this proposal, you can surely read about it here first. Pictures to follow... Here's some of the original article::: "Having confessed to the killings as a prisoner at the end of World War II before escaping to Germany and dodging imprisonment in the decades that followed, Boere's prosecution marks a victory for those who are pressing for action against suspected Nazi criminals before they die. The trial, which opened last month and resumes on Nov. 17. Boere moved to the Netherlands as a child, joining the SS in 1940 shortly after the country's fall to the Nazis. Part of a group that was ordered to assassinate dozens of members of the Dutch resista in an operation code-named Silver Pine, Boere's three victims included a pharmacist and a bicycle mechanic. While some SS commandos were tried and executed in the Netherlands in the years after the war, others, like Boere, simply fled."

Escape From Prouts Neck, 69.69 Miles

After getting out the vote, I got dropped off in the slums of Prouts Neck, left to fend for myself. Armed with some copies of pages from the Gazetteer atlas, I set out to untangle the knotted ball of roads that stood between me and home. The route looked squirly requiring travel in the wrong direction a couple times. Twenty miles of this ride were accumulated by heading far enough west to circumvent the Saco River without having to cross I95.
I thought to myself that this awkward layout of roads must have come about from early settlers having just an rough idea where they were headed when they set out to cut a road through the woods. Or maybe these small intersection towns were just never a priority to get directly to. In any case, it was a zig zag route with the goal of remaining west of I95.
I stopped at Spiller Farm Feeds and Needs store. I got apples from the farm, a home baked apple turnover, a banana and water. It was a cool little independent store surrounded by the Spiller farm.
Once again the sun set on me while I was still navigating Bell Marsh dirt. It seemed as if the Sun took an hour to slowly fall beneath the treeline. I squeezed every last ray out until the road was finally overtaken by darkness. Soon enough, the waning remnants of last night's full Hunter's moon silvered the asphalt and it is under this light that I finally pulled up my driveway exhausted. I counted 17 graveyards. The first half of this ride only produced the first five. See the mapped out route here...